They warn you and you completely understand that you are going to be home sick. They repeat it 700 times in 700 different ways but there is no way to explain it. There is no way to explain the emptiness that you feel, the loneliness that is overwhelming your heart. This feeling is something that is hard to escape, something that can’t be healed instantly by a phone call or a hug. This feeling starts from the last glimpse of your loved ones, the last time that you saw those last people that you know and cherish with all your heart. These are the people that make you feel like you are loved, that fill that void in your heart that is only able to be filled by them. There is no way to obtain the fullness and certainty of your heart in a matter of days. I know that this is going to take time, and it is going to hurt. I am going to cry for the next week, wishing that I didn’t do this, wishing I was at home doing the same everyday thing that i was doing before, wishing that my dream didn’t come true. But the fact is, I'm here, I’m doing this, and I’m going to succeed. I’m going to succeed because I want to, because my family and friends want me to and because I know I can. This is a once in a life time experience that has been handed to me from my parents and Rotary. This is something that i will never forget. I will look back to this day wondering how I felt homesick, how I felt like this was a wrong decision, like I have made a mistake that now i can’t take back.
It has been a long day, taking two connecting flights, 26 hours later i have arrived. Arrived to two amazing people who I know I will be able to count on, who will make me feel better about being here.
For now that is all I can say, I feel like I haven’t slept in days, goodnight Aussie!
Well, it’s only day two and it feels like i haven’t been home for a life time, I'm going to have to get used to this feeling of uncertainty, of curiosity, of anxiousness. I don’t want to feel like I have wasted my time. This town is different then what I thought it would be like, it’s very old looking, but that must be because it was rainy yesterday; hopefully it will be sunny today! Alison told me that it was a cold winter this year, and by cold they mean 10, so ill survive! The day so far looks nice, looking out my window the sky is pretty clear.
I'm feeling a little better, trying not to think about it today. Give me an hour and I'm sure I’ll be balling again though, it’s going to suck for the next few weeks. I'm not going to let it stop me from experiencing anything; I will not sit alone in my room ignoring the new country that is waiting outside my window! I think that it is good that I will be starting school next week so that I have people here to talk to, so that it will all feel more normal to me rather then just having Alison and Andrew to talk to. I think that is the worst part, I don’t have anyone to sit with me while I'm upset, no one to dupe my feelings onto while I try to understand the circumstance I have placed myself into.
The difference here to Burlington is crazy. It seems like every house is fenced off, there are so many hills, and driving on the other side of the road! Let’s just say I couldn’t do that to save my life. It will take some getting used to for sure!
I went to my school today, chose my classes, looked around, met a few people. It all seemed so different from my school. The halls are open to outside, and the classrooms are very small. I think that ill like it there though, the staff seems nice and hopefully I don’t get lost! The class that I chose for the first semester were English (because I didn’t have a choice), media, photography, environmental science, gym, and geography. All these are things that I'm interested in so I hope that I do well at them even though they wont give me any credits back at home.